Our relationships with parents

I remember when I was a child I wasn’t always interested in listening to my parents because I knew better.  Looking back there were occasions where this was true and my judgement was better than theirs, but this was the exception. This was also only true when they gave specific guidance without knowing all of the details I did, however, their teaching of principles was dead on. This is how God intended it to be.  He tells us directly that we need to obey our parents “in the Lord”.  This means we obey them because of our trust in God, not necessarily because of our trust in our parents.

Ephesians 6: 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 so that it may turn out well for you, and that you may live long on the earth. 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

A similar statement is made in Romans which deals specifically with “governing authorities”, but I believe much of the application is also relevant to children obeying their parents. We see that all authority on Earth was set up by God, including parents.

Romans 13:1 Every person is to be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. 2 Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves. 3 For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same; 4 for it is a servant of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a servant of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil. 5 Therefore it is necessary to be in subjection, not only because of wrath, but also for the sake of conscience. 

God takes this seriously.  The consequences have changed from what was expected in the Old Testament verse below.  However, we know that God is just and chooses a consequence appropriate with the crime. From this, we can see just how serious an offense it is to be a “stubborn and rebellious” child.

Deuteronomy 21: 18 “If any person has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father or his mother, and when they discipline him, he does not listen to them, 19 then his father and mother shall seize him, and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gateway of his hometown. 20 And they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious; he does not obey us, he is thoughtless and given to drinking.’ 21 Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death; so you shall eliminate the evil from your midst, and all Israel will hear about it and fear.

Most of these verses speak to the consequence side of this relationship, but in our first passage, Ephesians 6, we see the promise “that it may turn out well for you”. We were given parents to teach us what we need to have a successful life and relationship with God. This tireless correction and teaching that parents are called to do results in an adult that is capable of navigating the difficulties this life will throw at them. We see this principle taught throughout the Bible.

Exodus 20: 12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be prolonged on the land which the Lord your God gives you.

Proverbs 1: 8 Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction, And do not ignore your mother’s teaching; 9 For they are a graceful wreath for your head And necklaces for your neck.

Proverbs 13:1 A wise son accepts his father’s discipline, But a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.

We see that parents are there for our good and what they teach us is meant to guide us throughout life ensuring that we mature into Gods teaching. If you are not blessed with God fearing parents God still expects you to obey them, however, not if they direct you contrary to God.  We see this principle in Acts.

Acts 5: 27 When they had brought them, they had them stand before the Council. The high priest interrogated them, 28 saying, “We gave you strict orders not to continue teaching in this name, and yet, you have filled Jerusalem with your teaching and intend to bring this Man’s blood upon us.” 29 But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men. 

It is also important to note that once we are grown and our parents begin to need care from us, we are expected to make a return. We see this in 1 Timothy which discusses the Church helping only widows who have no other family that could take care of them.

1 Timothy 5: 3 Honor widows who are actually widows; 4 but if any widow has children or grandchildren, they must first learn to show proper respect for their own family and to give back compensation to their parents; for this is acceptable in the sight of God. 5 Now she who is actually a widow and has been left alone has set her hope on God, and she continues in requests and prayers night and day. 6 But she who indulges herself in luxury is dead, even while she lives. 7 Give these instructions as well, so that they may be above reproach. 8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

1 Timothy 5: 16 If any woman who is a believer has dependent widows, she must assist them and the church must not be burdened, so that it may assist those who are actually widows.

Jesus made a point of condemning the Pharisees in Mark 7 who made a habit of not taking care of their parents when they become older.  These Pharisees were telling their parents that they could not support them because they had dedicated that money to God instead.

Mark 7: 9 He was also saying to them, “You are experts at setting aside the commandment of God in order to keep your tradition. 10 For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘The one who speaks evil of father or mother, is certainly to be put to death’; 11 but you say, ‘If a person says to his father or his mother, whatever I have that would help you is Corban (that is, given to God),’ 12 you no longer allow him to do anything for his father or his mother; 13 thereby invalidating the word of God by your tradition which you have handed down; and you do many things such as that.”

In the end I would love it if children would remember that their parents are people too, very similar to them.  They do not have all of the answers, but are trying their best, having dedicated much of their lives to giving their children their best.  They may make mistakes, but were put there by God for your benefit.  Obey them, love them, and be there for them when the tables are turned and they need you as you now need them.